I am learning that a part of waking up is to allow the expression of joy to arise in whatever form it takes. It is often very subtle. It can be like a small flame in a windstorm of ego.
A long time ago, the natural joy and exuberance that I felt was crushed by my ego in response to some kind of threat or criticism.
That is the job of the ego. To keep itself safe from hurt. To make itself bigger, and better. To separate, measure and divide.
Joy cannot exist within a troubled personality, a depressed personality, a hurt personality.
As my ego dissolves, that subtle joy begins to arise. The ego sees this as a threat. It will resist.
It's another opportunity for awareness to see the ego in operation, not react to it, and focus on the good.
Every time the ego is not engaged by my awareness, it grows weaker.
Joy is aliveness.
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