I always hear about letting go. Letting go of attachments to things. Letting go of desire. Letting go of hurt and anger.
I have found that there is freedom in letting go. Don't stress about things. All that stuff.
But what about the things I haven't let go of and that still cause me suffering?
When I look into it closely, I find that it doesn't make sense for me to let it go, there is such a strong attachment that I do not see the value in letting go, even if it causes me pain. My mind will try to justify the reasons why I should change my life around to accomodate the attachment and alleviate the pain or suffering around it. It is a blind spot. I may not be seeing things straight, especially if it is causing me to suffer.
I always wondered, "If I want it so bad, then how do I let this go?" I can't lie to myself. If it feels like I need to hold on to it, I can't pretend that I don't want it. What do I do?
Then I had an insight that made me look at it in a different way.
I asked myself the question, "If I hold on to this desire, where is the desire leading me?"
That led me to thinking about the desire as a program that is designed for a certain purpose. Who was the programmer of that desire? What is the end state of that desire? Does that desire have my happiness in mind? Is that desire conscious? Is it rooted in fear or hurt?
Now when I look at these desires and attachments with these questions in mind, I see them in a different light.
