I have noticed an interesting thing over the years.
A child falls down and then instantly looks at the parent. It's a minor scrape.
In that fraction of a second the parent's reaction determines the child's reaction.
If the parent flips out and runs over in a panic, the child begins crying.
If the parent calmly walks over, the child looks curiously at his or her scraped knee, maybe sniffs back a tear.
I have also seen the parent say, "Woah! Awesome wipe out!" and the kid got up smiling and laughing.
Unless we consciously become aware, I think we stay this way throughout our lives in that we look to other's reactions to find out how we should feel about something.
I just went through a situation where I was telling a story that was perfectly fine by me but someone else became very nervous about its content. I then felt their nervousness in my heart and began to doubt myself instantly. I had to quickly catch my own energy that began to spiral into suffering. I had to let go of my friend's reaction and just allow things to be as they are. I felt my heart contract and feel hurt. I just had to be with that and allow it to pass. I encountered my sense of self that had been put there to protect me from societal condemnation. The self that must be perfect at all costs. A self that is a prison.
If I wasn't aware of how quickly and powerfully the energy of others can take me into hurt, I would have been in for a rough afternoon. I could feel my mind wanting to replay it over and over again - and I let it - just so I could look straight into the face of it and know that it was just my mind attempting to build walls around my heart and protect it in a bomb shelter of protective thoughts. Justifying and making wrong are some of the building blocks that make up this bomb shelter. I wanted to run away from the pain - the pain of another's condemnation - to avoid that pain my mind had created an image of someone who pleases everyone and always says the right thing. I had to let that image crumble and fall apart or try somehow to continue maintaining this impossible image. This source of suffering.
Freedom from pain is allowing the pain to be, then going beyond the pain. I have ceased to continue walling up my heart in a mind-made prison. By allowing the prison to crumble I am setting my heart free.
