Sanctuary

A long time ago, my yoga instructor had us do an exercise that stuck with me.

It was about noticing the one thing that was always the same throughout our lives.

He had us all remember a moment from five years ago, then ten, then twenty, then thirty. Then he would have us notice the one thing that was consistent throughout all those times.

Our emotions change throughout our lives. Our thoughts change. Things change around us. Our bodies change. People around us change. Was there anything that didn't change? 

There was something internal that didn't change. A sense of "me". A constant presence that is looking out through my eyes, but if I wasn't my emotions, thoughts or my body, then what is that sense of "me"?

It is the awareness before it becomes the thoughts. The awareness before it becomes the emotions. That is the real Self. The true "I am".

The awareness after it becomes the thoughts and emotions is the pseudo-self. The ego. The "little 'I am'" that becomes "I am this" or "I am that". 

That is something I meditate on when I find my ego gaining too much power, when there is too much emotional or mental noise going on. I get present to the "I am" that I am, before it becomes something. 

That is the eye of the storm for me. It grounds me in my body. It gets me in touch with life as it is actually happening because it is the still, silent place where life arises. All things are possible from this empty but vastly alive space. 

It is sanctuary. It is sanity. It is freedom.

Silent Mind

The brain operates the best when there is silence internally. 

It is like a computer in that way. When there are multiple programs open, the processor is trying to deal with many large files. It will run slow and occasionally will crash.

Dwelling on and/or replaying the past - should have, shouldn't have, if only - is a burden on the system.

Creating inner monologues about possible future events - fears, desires - is a burden on the system.

Usually, these are loaded with emotional content, which is even more of a burden to the system.

The mind/brain plays these "movies" about the past and future inside our heads. They often absorb our whole attention. They can make us angry, sad, fearful, depressed, hopeful, elated - any number of emotions. 

Ultimately, they are phantoms, just like a movie projected onto a screen is a phantom. The sensory input is so real that the mind/brain can be fooled into believing that it is real. There is the disconnect from truth. Just notice people in a movie theater reacting to the screen. The play of light, sound on a blank screen can move people into all kinds of emotions. Their brains are all absorbed and reacting to an invented reality.

The mind can invent multiple realities but there is only one truth. 

Only when the mind is silent, free from all past and future concerns, can it percieve truth.

Start With Uncertainty

My mind is so certain.

Each thought that goes through my head is so certain about what it is saying. 

My mind says, "It must be this way." and it suffers.

My mind says, "I don't like this." and it suffers.

My mind says, "I must have that." and it suffers.

My mind has already concluded so many things about myself, my life and others without my even having a say, without me even taking a conscious look.

To surrender is to let go of certainty. To accept is to let go of certainty. To let go of my own authority and that of another is to let go of certainty.

Start with being uncertain - without prejudice or authority - and see what actually is.

Then act from there.

Simple Being

I love watching the birds. 

They move with intensity and purpose, light and agile. 

I see them up close and the innocence is there. Every noise and movement is from that space. 

Even when two birds arrive at the same feeder and there is a brief ruffle of feathers, there is no aggression. It is the way they communicate and that communication is born of innocence and can never contain malice. 

They are not worried. They may be intensely alert but there is no fear. Fear makes one hesitate. Fear plunges one into confusion. A bird never hesitates. It moves or it doesn't.

For some reason I know that simple but powerful space a bird operates from is within me as well. It is action without confusion. Simple being and simple doing. The most direct line with the least amount of thought.

Nature makes me realize that I am already at peace and that gentle happiness is my normal state of being. Not wanting anything to be different than it is. Not clinging to anything. 

Enjoying simple being.

Deep Peace

I have been doing this interesting experiment for a while now and it has given me some insights into how thoughts and emotions create reality.

Something will happen "out there" and I'll have a reaction - maybe a subtle reaction or maybe a bigger reaction. Then my thoughts will kick in and start saying something about it. Then my emotions kick in in reaction to my thoughts. This all happens in a split second.

What I have been doing is to catch all this happening within me. Then I do the following:

I separate the thinking from the actual sensation in my body. I separate what I am saying about it from what is actually happening in my body.

I have noticed that as soon as I disengage thoughts from the emotional response, the feeling that is left dwindles and dissipates. The emotions and the sensations in the body are charged by my mind. The feeling of hurt is kept alive by my mind re-creating and re-playing the scene over and over again. 

I re-live the pain by talking about it in my head.

Watch how the mind wants to come back in and say things about the situation. It wants to make plans about it. It wants revenge - even a small revenge. It wants to be justified, righteous. It wants all kinds of things. 

It is hard to put it aside. We have been conditioned to listen to it. We think the mind holds our salvation.

When the mind is put aside, the turbulence within the body subsides. Then a deep silence is revealed, slowly, bit by bit. 

That is the tip of the peace that surpasses all understanding. 

Try it out.

Being. Balance. Action.

Everything arises from being.

If being is off then everything is off. 

If being is in balance, peace, harmony, then everything is in balance, peace and harmony. All actions come from the space of being.

It is the same with walking, dancing, tai chi. If one foot is placed out of balance, then the next action must compensate for the previous action. There is a cascade of cause and effect.

The sooner one recognizes that there is imbalance, the faster one can come back to being - back to balance - interrupting the cascade that leads to further imbalance. Interrupting the endless flow of cause and effect.

Simply put, be aware in this moment, for this is the moment where life is. This is the moment when you are placing your foot. This is the moment where you are taking the next step.

Breathe. Come into balance. Take the step.

The Journey To Relief

The journey is about getting rid of all the baggage that we have packed to prepare for the journey.

The less we have to carry, the lighter we are, we move with more ease.

The less we hold on to, the less stressed we are, we don't have to worry about forgetting something, leaving something behind.

The baggage is the past. Our sense of self. The ego. 

Being caught up in the ego and its drama slows me down. It takes me out of the moment. It stresses me out. 

I am amazed at how the machinery of my psyche is geared toward accumulating. Storing up all this baggage. It thinks that the baggage is somehow going to help me survive some future challenge or potential catastrophe.

To let go of all this is a great relief. 

Relief opens up all channels - the blood, the brain, the heart. I can accept life and breathe it in. 

Relief is a "no-mind" state. It is true relaxation.

Move toward relief.