I Am Life

Life constantly unfolds like a flower.

As long as I am not trying to force it to unfold, I am relaxed. 

As long I don't expect it to look a certain way, I am never frustrated.

Life is a surprise. Ten years ago, I never expected to be where I am right now. It has been like that throughout my life even though my mind has tried to forsee, plot and predict my future.

My mind thinks it knows who I truly am, but it has no idea. It never has.

If I silently observe what is happening, I see that I am unfolding like life.

The past has no hold on me. The future doesn't really exist.

There is only this moment where life is happening.

I am life.

No Mind

The mind always has an agenda.

And the mind always takes itself very seriously. 

The mind exists inside of life. 

And life is ever changing, ever moving. 

Life has no idea, no concept, no agenda whatsoever.

Life is a constant flow, an ever moving interplay of order and chaos.

The mind is constantly trying to clean up the messiness of life, it is always trying to impose its will upon the flow of life.

When the mind sees itself as succeeding, it is happy.

When the mind sees itself is failing, it suffers.

No-mind just sees life.

Trust Life

When the whole thing breaks down, there's nothing that can be done.

I think the closest thing I can relate it to is getting caught in a big ocean wave. I can't tell up from down, I am struggling for air, gasping it in when and if I can, feeling the immense power of the wave and experiencing my complete and utter smallness. My mortality is held up and felt in a real sense. I am humbled.

Life does that. I think the lesson is to always realize that life is like the ocean, even when it is calm I must reamin in respect and humility to its power. At any moment it can clobber me. If my ego starts running the show and trying to resist the flow, life can crush me like a bug.

At any moment there is always a release valve and that moment is when I realize that there is nothing that can be done - I just have to come back to the essence and that is:

I just want peace.

From that all goodness flows. 

My ego thinks that it can get peace from fighting and resisting. If the world would just conform to what I want then there would be peace. If the ocean would just conform to my needs then I could be happy.

What do I truly want in this moment?

Peace. 

The happiness that has no cause comes from peace. The happiness that is not dependent on anything and therefore cannot be shaken comes from there.

To be there all I have to do is just let go of everything the mind is saying, let go of all the emotional alarms and trust life.

Trust life.

Question The Authority Of Your Ego

I have observed that my ego is not interested in the quality of this moment. 

It is far more interested in the "next moment" - the future - where it believes that something better exists, some sense of being "more" than now. A "better me".

Because it sees the future as containing this "better me", this sense of completeness, accomplishment or well-being, it reduces the present moment to being a means to that end. Therefore, this moment is a state of being "less" and the future is imagined as being "more" - "I will be more kind", "I will be more happy", "I will be more at peace", "I will be more important", etc.

At its core, the ego feels bad, it feels that there's something wrong with itself and life, so it lives in striving, wanting, escaping, needing, demanding, dominating, justifying, so it can cope with this deep sense of being flawed. It's not good enough for the world and the world is not good enough for it.

The assumption the ego makes is that in the present moment, I am less. I am broken. I need fixing, improvement, more awareness, more understanding, more time, more, more, more. That is what the ego says like a broken record in the present moment, because it is striving to get to the mind-projected salvation of the future, where it imagines everything will be "all right", "better", "at peace".

The ego also wants to fix the outside world. "If it was only this way then I could do this, or be that, or have that". 

But it is all a trap.

The ego is using the mind to put a carrot of illusory perfection on a stick which causes us to constantly chase this phantom of "someday", "soon", "becoming", "will be", forever. We can never get to the future because the future... is always in the future. 

Life happens in the present moment. So where and when will happiness emerge?

It emerges now, from being.

What are you present to right now? 

Maybe you feel peace, or maybe you feel the anxiousness of the ego-mind, the urgency, the non-stop monlogue chattering away, trying to pull your sacred attention away from the only moment that matters, the only moment where anything actually exists. 

Peace, love, harmony, sacredness, stillness, joy, insight, compassion, integrity, wholeness, they all only exist... right now.

Question the assumption that you need fixing. Question the urgency to "become" someone or something.

Question the authority of your mind.