The Instrument

I notice that my whole being is a sensitive instrument. A seismograph that detects tremors inside me and outside me. It detects negativity, excitement, sadness, emotions, resistance, anger, fear, suffering. Imbalances of all kinds within myself and in others.

In the past, it was still sensitive but there was so much noise within that the instrument was lost, I could not sense any disturbances because I was the disturbance. Imagine a seismograph that can only detect earthquakes above 8.5 - that was me.

It only takes intensity to clear out the internal noise. Perhaps there are physical reasons why the seismograph is not sensitive enough - alcohol, drugs, overindulgence - these make the instrument less sensitive. I know this through experience.

The mental and emotional reasons are in - how we cling to the identity, how we want to be right, how we crave more drama, how we want to be "someone", how we want to be heard, how we want to control, our fears and angers. All that generates mental and emotional noise that makes the instrument less sensitive.

Clearing out the noise, letting go of the mental chatter and the emotional churning, seeing it all as just noise is the key. Recognize that there is an argument for everything, for each thread of thinking that says that it is important. It is like throwing things out, there is always some mental or (even stronger) emotional reason to keep it. But it is all junk. In throwing out all the noise, there is no love lost, nothing special is lost, nothing truly important is lost. The capacity to express and feel grows.

 If the instrument is not made sensitive, there is no way to get out of suffering.