I have found when I am in a rough place - having to struggle to maintain awareness, applying all my energy to see the folly of reacting to my own negativity - and I eventually come out of it, I find that my capacities are increased. My capacity for holding a space of peace, my capacity for love, my capacity for compassion, for aliveness, all of it is increased.
Maybe it works the same as a muscle, I don't know, all I know is my experience.
I also know that when I feel like I am on top of the world and I have reached the pinnacle, within 24 hours I will crash and burn in some fashion. Hubris is a real thing.
Here is a caveat.
To hold the space of awareness with the intention of reaping a future reward will get me nowhere. Believe me, I have tried, but feel free to find out for yourself. It is the ego desiring or wanting to aviod and it is the ego that is suffering. There is no logic there. The ego cannot be free of itself, only awareness can be free and awareness has no goal, no agenda, no self-concerned intention.
Simply watching the turbulence without any intention, desire, or direction. That is what opens the doors and deepens aliveness.
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