Hurt

Hurt comes in, awakened by a trigger… something that links the present moment experience to the past, a memory, a feeling, something similar, and it is aroused and reconstituted by it. It is a raw energy that is undifferentiated, like electricity before it is channeled into something and in the case of hurt it is the concept of ‘I’ and 'me'.

I am aware of the hurt, the energy that is seeking release, the stored up bomb of potential waiting to be detonated. I immediately have to become intensely aware at this moment. As aware as if I had been dropped into a pit of cobras. I must make every movement a conscious one, and I cannot lose focus on my internal state and how it is relating to the external world. I cannot be distracted for a split second, lest I lose consciousness and get bit. Hurt, if left unchecked will turn into anger, hatred, punishment of both the self and others, and it will be unreasoning and irrational. It is the ego in its most opaque state, its most narcissistic. The gravitational field is extremely strong and once in it, every resource of awareness must be put into watching it and not falling further into its depths.
I have found that when I begin to move out of it, there is an argument that wants to stay in the hurt. This argument seems to have a few statements:

One, is that it feels like the other who hurt me must be punished so as not to hurt me again. The punishment to the other is for me to remain in the state of hurt and anger and withdrawal. This is a, "that will each them" lesson.

Two, is that if I was to snap out of it in an instant (which is always the case), then the other might not think that they truly hurt me, and that makes me a ‘faker’. Therefore, they will surely not take hurting me seriously and continue to hurt me in the future.
It is all based on and rooted in the ‘me’ that needs to survive and be defended. The ‘me’ is the identity that suffers.

After enough times of traveling down the road of hurt, I begin to see the signs and no amount of temptation to defend my identity or prove another ego to be wrong, can keep me from focusing on staying calm and remaining empty. I have experienced the pain of being in a state of hurt too many times.